


Healing Old Wounds

by mmorgan317



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Barry Whump, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-14 04:59:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11200953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmorgan317/pseuds/mmorgan317
Summary: When a meta steals Barry’s powers, he’s left to go through life like a normal human. Sadly for him, when Cisco finally reaches his breaking point, this includes healing like one too. Barry whump incl. Angst as well. Hopefully no one is too OOC.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Flash or it’s characters or their TV portrayal. I wish I did. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Hello *waves* This is my first foray into The Flash fandom and I hope you don’t regret it. lol. This is an AU fic, in that I change how Barry and Cisco make up. Rather than doing it during the alien invasion, they do it my way instead. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that it’s easier for them to make up during the alien invasion because of what happens here. 
> 
>  
> 
> 2: I apologize if anyone (especially Cisco) is OOC. In order for this fic to come about exactly the way I wanted it to, I had to tweak some of them a bit. 
> 
> 3: A big thanks to water_4_willows and Nick_Nikki for the beta. This fic wouldn't be nearly as good without them. *muah* 
> 
>  
> 
> Here’s hoping you enjoy this!

 

 

 ****“Thanks, Flash,” Leach purred, her pretty brown eyes turning to red as her power surfaced. Barry felt the energy drain from him as his speed was sapped. He staggered as his exhausted body attempted to keep him upright. “Oh,” she added with a coy smile, “you might want to catch a cab. You won’t be going anywhere for a while.” With that parting shot, Leach ran, zooming off so fast that Barry couldn’t keep track of her.

 _“Barry, what happened?”_ Iris’s voice in his ear made Barry jump. 

“Leach,” he said, his voice rough as he panted. “She touched me.” 

**oOo**

 

Cisco knew the rain that fell in sheets was cold, but he didn’t feel it. He had been soaked to the bone within minutes of having arrived but all he could see was the gravestone staring back at him - just as cold and gray as the day. It had been six months since Dante had died. Six long months where Cisco had spent his days trying to feel something other than emptiness and his nights begging for that feeling as all the pain flooded his soul, threatening to drown him. It didn’t seem real - Dante being gone. Even now, as Cisco stood staring down at the granite which marked his brother’s birth and death, it didn’t feel real. He didn’t _want_ it to be real. Because if it was, not only would he never hug or talk to his brother again, but it meant that his best friend was responsible for it.

As Barry’s image popped into his head, Cisco felt heat flood his veins as rage and hurt bloomed. Of all the people he thought would screw him over in life, he had never pegged Barry Allen as one of them. He felt betrayed, but he also felt angry and lately that feeling had been growing. Every time he saw Barry these days, Cisco had the almost uncontrollable urge to hit him; hurt him. Sure, the pain wouldn’t last that long for Barry thanks to his connection with the speed force, but it would sure as hell make Cisco feel better. Or so he hoped. 

“Hey.” 

Cisco’s head popped up on hearing the very person he was just thinking of as though he were standing right behind him. “Speak of the devil and he will appear,” Cisco mumbled as he turned to look at the man he had once called friend. “What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to be here,” Barry said, his eyes earnest, concerned, and guilty. “For you.” 

“I don’t want you here. Go home.” It was the nicest way he could think of to tell Barry that he didn’t really want to see him ever. Yet, though he had never thought Barry Allen to be stupid, he clearly wasn’t going to take the hint since he kept showing up and being in Cisco’s space. 

“Cisco,” Barry began, his voice faltering like it usually did when he was upset or sad. 

This time Cisco didn’t fight the urge; he simply swung. It was a little awkward because Barry was taller than him but pent up anger had a way of leveling the playing field. 

The sound of his fist meeting Barry’s cheek was..disconcerting yet satisfying. Cisco had forgotten the deadening meaty sound flesh meeting flesh often gave. The sound made him a little sick to his stomach but his anger wasn’t diminished in the slightest. As Barry looked up at him in astonishment, Cisco began to feel a bit of horror at what he’d done. 

But when Barry opened his mouth to speak, that horror faded, his anger replacing it, and he swung again, this time refusing to think about what he was doing. 

“I am so sick,” he said, aiming a kick at the speedster’s side, “of you using me to soothe your own guilt.” Another kick. “I get it, you want me to think you feel bad.” Another kick. “Or maybe you think that I’ll eventually forgive you for killing my brother just because you wanted to fix what was broken in your life.” Another kick. “Well I’m sorry Barry, but all that look does is make me want to wipe it off your face.” Another kick, and this time, Cisco didn’t have it in him to do any more. He looked down at the other man, hoping his expression was as cold as he felt inside while he refused to acknowledge the guilt that was already starting to burn in his stomach. 

Barry lay on the wet ground, soaked, bleeding from a split lip, a bruise blooming on his cheek, and curled around his left side as though to protect it. As Cisco loomed over him, the speedster put his right hand out,  his posture pleading for mercy. “Cisco, please,” he said, his breathing coming in shortened breaths as tears rolled down his eyes. “I’m so-”

Cisco backed away, turning away from Barry before he obeyed the urge to shut him up by knocking him unconscious. The more hurt than angry side quietly wondered why Barry wasn’t healing but Cisco refused to listen. “I don’t want to hear how sorry you are, Barry,” he interrupted. “Sorry isn’t going to bring my brother back.” 

“And this will?” Caitlin’s voice interjected, turning Cisco’s attention to her. She stood in the graveyard, soaked as well, with the necklace on and pain and anger in her eyes. She stepped forward, putting herself in front of Barry who was just now struggling to stand. “Cisco,” she began, “I understand that you are angry, believe me I do. But whether or not you believe it or accept it, Barry is still one of your best friends. Beating him to death isn’t going to bring Dante back.” 

“No,” Cisco admitted, tears rolling down his cheeks. “But just maybe I can show him how much it hurts.” 

“You think I don’t know how much it hurts having someone you love taken from you?” Barry growled. Where Cisco expected to see anger, he only saw desperation and pain. “This whole mess started because I know _exactly_ how that feels! And I get that you will do anything to make the pain go away, so how can you blame me for wanting to do the same?”

“I don’t blame you for doing it!” Cisco yelled, no longer feeling in control of own his voice. “I blame you for not doing it for me!” 

“Cisco,” Barry said, the tone a mixture of exasperation and a cry. “You have _no_ idea how that will affect someone else. What if I were to go back and change the timeline only for Iris, or Wally, or Caitlin to pay the price for it? You don’t want that on your conscience man.” 

“No, I don’t,” Cisco answered almost in a whisper. “I just want my brother back.” The tears were now coming in a flood and Cisco collapsed under the weight of his own grief.

“I know, man,” Barry assured and Cisco heard him slowly come closer. As much as he wanted to pull away from the hug he knew was coming, Cisco couldn’t move. His limbs were too heavy and his body seemed to no longer obey his commands. When Barry pulled him in, Cisco went willingly, collapsing entirely against the speedster’s chest before letting all his pain loose and crying until he couldn’t cry any more. 

“It’s okay,” Barry soothed in his ear. “We got you.”

When another pair of arms, probably Caitlin’s, wrapped around him, Cisco allowed himself to be pulled under by his grief. He knew no more until he woke up in S.T.A.R Labs on one of the medical beds with a blanket wrapped around him and Caitlin sitting beside him. “What happened?” he asked as he tried to blink the cobwebs away. “How did I get here?” 

“We had Wally speed you here,” she answered, her voice quiet and gentle. “How are you feeling?” 

“Honestly? I don’t know,” he answered, still trying to get his equilibrium back. His world had been upside down for so long, the feeling of it slowly righting itself was making him dizzy. “Why did Wally bring me? Did Barry have more important things to do?” 

“No, Cisco,” she answered. The sadness and worry in her eyes concerned him but as he couldn’t tell if it was aimed at him or for Barry, he didn’t let it fester too much. “He couldn’t.” 

“Why not? It’s not like I hurt him that badly. You’ve seen how fast the guy heals.” 

“Right after you left to go to the cemetery, we got a hit on here Leach was. Barry went to confront her.” 

The sick feeling in his stomach which Cisco had been ignoring ever since he’d taken the first swing started to gnaw at him with an intenseness that made him think he truly was going to throw up. He thought he knew where she was going with this but he had to make sure. “He confronted her. Didn’t he?” 

“She..borrowed his powers to escape, leaving him without his speed and without his healing abilities for a while.” 

Cisco scanned the room where another bed was. Relief made him momentarily weak when he found it empty. “Well he must not have been too badly hurt, otherwise you would have kept him here.” 

"He didn’t think you would want to see him for a while, so he allowed Iris to take him to the hospital to get checked out.”

“Wow, never thought I’d see the day when Barry Allen willingly went to the hospital for some bruises,” Cisco dryly quipped as he got off the bed. He didn’t see the hit coming until he felt heat bloom in his cheek. He stared at Caitlin in shock, surprised to see anger burning in her eyes. “What was that for?” 

“You just mercilessly beat your best friend to a pulp, breaking three of his ribs in the process, and all you have to say for yourself is a joke? Do you hate him that much?” 

“God knows it would be easier if I did,” he whispered. 

“What would?” Caitlin countered snappishly. “Knowing that you willingly hurt your friend and that you took some sort of satisfaction in it? Or knowing that he accidentally changed the timeline?” 

That was fair, though he wasn’t necessarily going to admit that. “Both,” he answered. Gathering his coat, his dry coat, Cisco started to walk out the door. 

“Where are you going?” Caitlin called as the sound of hurried footsteps told him that she was rushing to join him. 

“I’m going to see Barry,” he replied, surprising the both of them. He hadn’t meant to say that. What he’d meant to say was that he was needed some time to think. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that, yes, he wanted to see Barry. Though his injuries weren’t dire - unless someone kicked him again and one of his broken ribs punctured his lung, and please God don’t let that happen! - Cisco felt that he should check on him; just to make sure. He paused, waiting for the elevator and looking to Caitlin. “Is Iris with him?” 

“Yeah, she said that she was taking the day to take care of him.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “He didn’t tell her what happened. Just that he lost his powers and was attacked while getting back to S.T.A.R Labs.”

“That sounds like Barry,” Cisco quipped, this time without mirth. “Always willing to be the martyr, even if it means allowing your best friend to beat the crap out of you.” 

“He’ll be glad to see you,” Caitlin assured. 

“Yeah, but will I be glad to see him?” Cisco countered, stepping into the elevator. 

Caitlin gave him one of those looks. A look that implied her doubt yet also challenged him to do it all the same. “You won’t know until you get there.” She paused and then added, “Either way, you’re going to have to through Iris to get to him.” 

 _Yeah,_ he thought on a sigh as the doors closed and the elevator began moving. _If only she wasn’t able to sniff out a lie as easily as her father, I might actually have a chance in hell._

**oOo**

By the time he had arrived at Joe’s house, Cisco had almost managed to talk himself out of the idea. He still wanted to check on the speedster, of course, but he was feeling a little cowardly about facing up to his mistakes. Cisco took his time on the stairs, heart racing and palms sweaty. He had to force himself to knock, knowing that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to go through with it.  
****

The door opened and he mustered up a smile that faded the minute he saw the glare aimed at him from the woman who answered. “Can I help you?” Iris asked with more chill in her tone than Caitlin could manage when she was Killer Frost. Had Barry told her what happened?

“He told you,” Cisco said, managing to harden a little more as the idea took full effect. It shouldn’t surprise him, really. Barry wasn’t exactly known for keeping secrets and this was Iris - the love of his life; he wasn’t going to keep this from her. Cisco wasn’t entirely sure why, but this felt like another betrayal, like it was just one more thing he could use to fuel his anger at his…well, at Barry. 

Iris didn’t move but she didn’t have to for him to feel her shake her head. He was getting much better at vibing things, that was for sure. What he felt coming from her was more than anger or fury, there was pain too. Pain, and pity. “He talks when he dreams,” she said by way of a negative. 

“Dreams,” Cisco said doubtfully. Something in the way she had said that hinted at more than just Barry dreaming. 

“You would probably call them nightmares,” she said, now stepping out of the doorway to let him in. 

“But you wouldn’t?” he countered, all of a sudden not sure if he wanted to enter. The nauseous feeling was back and the room felt a little warmer than it had a few minutes ago. Had he really given Barry nightmares? 

“I’ve seen Barry dream about his parents’ murders every night for weeks,” she answered as they both made their way to the bedroom. “After he came back, they became worse, and then after he learned what happened with Dante, with Caitlin..”

She trailed off but Cisco knew what she had planned on saying so he said it for her. “His subconscious won’t give him peace.” 

Iris nodded, watching him. After a minute’s study of him she asked, “Does that make you happier, knowing that he tortures himself almost as much as you want to?” 

“That wasn’t what I wanted,” Cisco denied, wondering if he was lying to himself as much as he was to her. It was horrifying to know that, on some level, it did make him feel better to know that Barry was suffering for what he had done; that he wasn’t just going to speed through this latest mistake and think that there weren’t any consequences for what he’d done. Cisco had never thought of himself as vindictive but apparently, now he was. 

“Wasn’t it?” Iris countered, looking like she believed him as much as he believed himself. “Sure looks like it to me.” 

She walked away, leaving him at Barry’s room. Cisco’s hand shook as he opened the door as quietly as he could; a part of him was secretly hoping that Barry wouldn’t be awake, that his visit would go by unnoticed. He walked in to find that his wish had been granted. Barry lay, half naked, propped up by several pillows, his head lolling to the right, and his limbs twitching. The bruise on the speedster’s face was all too noticeable against the pale cream of Barry’s skin. Damn! Cisco hadn’t known he had that much strength. It was both cool and not cool at the same time. But what really drew his attention was the bruising on Barry’s side. An ace bandage may have covered the worst of it but Cisco could see patches of it peeking out as gravity took over and spread it further down towards his hip. Or had Cisco simply kicked him that much? He honestly couldn’t remember. 

As he slowly started to make his way closer to the bed, Barry’s twitching grew worse, changing from barely there to practically fending off his demons. “Cisco,” he whispered, a small whimper escaping his throat. “Cisco, please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. No more. Please, no more.” 

And just like that, what little nerve Cisco had had, left. He ran out of the room, straight to the bathroom where he could retch in private. Now he knew what Iris had meant. Barry hadn’t told her what had happened voluntarily. He had been reliving the beating over and over and over while he slept. God, what had he done?! 

“Cisco?” Iris’s voice reached through the door with ease and Cisco felt himself collapse again under the concern he heard in it. Given what she knew, how could she treat him with such..compassion? The door creaked open as something evidently told her he wasn’t using the bathroom, and she looked down at him with tears and worry in her eyes. “Hey. You okay?” 

“No,” he admitted, feeling as though he would be sick again. “How could I do that to him?”

She sat down against the wall, opposite him, careful not to get too close, though he couldn’t tell why. She sighed. “You’ve spent all this time living in your grief that you’ve forgotten to actually grieve. You spent plenty of time on denial and bargaining that you just sort of got stuck in depression without actually addressing anger. You just, sort of, buried it. And today you finally let go.” 

“On Barry,” he said, feeling like he was going to be sick for a third time. 

Iris scooted closer so that she could grab his hand and give it a squeeze. “I don’t think it was coincidence that it was Barry.” Cisco’s heart sank as he thought of all the implications of that but remained silent, allowing her to continue. “For the longest time, I’ve watched you be angry at the universe for taking Dante. But then Barry shows up one day, acting like a completely different person, telling us that he has done something to the timeline and I watched that anger slowly shift onto Barry rather than the world. I think finding out that Barry messing with time was the reason your brother was gone was only the icing on the cake. You were already angry with him before that. Caitlin telling you that only made your pain, your anger at him valid.” She paused a moment to let that sink in, holding on to his hand and not letting it go. “It’s easier to deal with pain and heartbreak when you have a target to hate. When you have an actual person to be furious with, it makes the pain a little easier to bear, doesn’t it?” 

A tear rolled down Cisco’s cheek as he whispered, “Yes.” 

By this time, Iris was now sitting next to him and she pulled him in for a hug. “I think, that of all people who can understand that,” she whispered into his ear as he silently cried, “Barry can.” 

**oOo**

Cisco didn’t know how long he and Iris stayed on the bathroom floor. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. What he did know was that he wasn’t sure he could go back up to that room and listen to Barry fight off demons which took Cisco’s shape. It might just break him if he tried and the last thing he wanted to do was break down again in front of Barry. 

“Iris?” Barry’s voice made Cisco tense. Please God, let them have been there long enough for the speedster to get his powers back. His sounded outside the door before the man himself entered the room, saying, “Hey, are you okay? I thought I heard voices?” He cut off just as he finished, his eyes focusing on Cisco with a mixture of confusion and forced emptiness in them. “What are you doing here?” 

Cisco was both disappointed but unsurprised to find that Barry’s injuries were still prevalent. After all, Cisco wasn’t going to be let off that easy, was he? He was about to answer when Iris cut him off with, “That can wait.” She stood up and moved towards her boyfriend, grabbing him gently by the arm and leading him away from the bathroom. “First, you need to sit back down and then you two can talk.” Cisco wasn’t sure whether Barry was hurting too much to argue or he knew the futility of it, but either way, the speedster allowed himself to be led to the couch where Iris proceeded to put as many pillows behind his back as she could. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No, thanks,” Barry answered with a smile. “I’m good.” 

Cisco was sure that both he and Iris knew it was a lie but neither of them called him on it. That smile was more telling than Barry wished it to be, no doubt. It was the one he always used to cover pain. Barry Allen was one of the most easily read people that Cisco had ever met. Just one look at him and you would be able to tell if he was happy, or hurting, or angry, or defeated. It was actually one of the things that Cisco liked about him. Today it wasn’t doing Barry any favors because the more he tried to pretend that he was fine, or that he was indifferent to Cisco’s being there - Cisco could always read the truth off him. He was ashamed to find that Barry wasn’t mad at him for coming - he was scared. Did the man seriously think that Cisco had come to hit him some more? 

“Okay,” Iris answered with a small, sad, smile. “I’m going to go get a few things for dinner.” She looked over at Cisco, her expression neutral, and then asked, “Are you okay with me leaving you alone?” 

Ouch. Did she _seriously_ think that Cisco would try to hurt Barry again? Or was it that she wanted to make sure that _Barry_ was okay with being left alone with him? It was hard to tell. 

Barry smiled at her, this time with a more loving gleam in his eyes. “I’ll be fine. Go. Make sure Joe will be home for dinner. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

“You better,” she said, pulling away from him and grabbing her things. “It’ll hardly be a family meal if you’re not.” She leaned down over the back of the couch and gave him a kiss on his non-bruised cheek. She looked over Barry’s shoulder to Cisco. “Will you be joining us for dinner?” 

“Uhm,” Cisco stuttered out, unsure how to answer. He looked to Barry for a hint of what he wanted but found only a question in his eyes. “I don’t think I should,” he finally answered, his heart sinking when he saw what he now recognized as hope dimming in Barry’s eyes. “I’m not sure I’d be very good company.” 

He didn’t say that his main reason was the he wasn’t sure how welcome he would be, especially after Joe found out what happened. Oh he knew that Joe did his best to stay out of all of their business and let them handle things on their own but he was also Barry’s father, and Cisco would be able to understand if it was hard for him to be neutral in this case. Iris smiled her understanding, making him wonder if she could somehow vibe other people’s feelings like he could. She said nothing more before she walked out and left him and Barry alone. 

 _Here we go_ , he thought as he prepared himself to have a the same conversation he’d been having with Barry ever since Killer Frost had told him about Barry’s involvement with Dante’s death. Only this time - Cisco had some apologizing to do too. 

 

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While reading, please remember that I am not a medical professional so if something seems off or wrong, that's why.

As Barry sat on the couch, he wondered who should speak first. Normally he would have done it without hesitation but earlier proved to him that not only were his words not having the effect he desired, they might just be making the situation worse. As a result, Barry was resolved to let Cisco take the lead. Trouble was, Cisco wasn’t saying anything. He merely kept staring at anything _other_ than Barry. Did his best friend hate him so much that he couldn’t even look at him anymore? The very idea broke his heart. 

When the silence continued for another five minutes, Barry began to get restless. Moving hurt but still he began to fidget. His normal reaction would have been to run from his problems - or run to fix them - but even if he could run neither scenario would work in this case because it was him doing exactly that which had caused the problem in the first place. It was like Jay had said, “You can try to fix it, but no matter how hard you try, it’s never going to be exactly how it was.” What hurt the most was knowing that applied to his friendship with Cisco as well. 

“Cisco,” he began only to be cut off by his friend. 

“I’ve got something to say first,” he said. “I know that you’re sorry. Believe me, I know.” He paused, the earnestness in his eyes assuring Barry that he got it. “But this isn’t one of those situations that ‘sorry’ can fix. You can’t just say that you’re sorry and expect everything to go back to normal, Barry. You screwed that up when you reset the timeline.” Tears filled Barry’s eyes at the reminder and he looked down in hopes of hiding it from Cisco. “I’m not ready to forgive you.” 

That drew Barry’s attention, forcing him to look back at Cisco as his heart broke even more. There were tears in his friend’s brown eyes, one falling down his cheek, though he made no move to wipe it away. Even from across the room, Barry could see Cisco’s chest heaving so it didn’t surprise him to hear Cisco release a shuddering breath as more tears fell. “But I’m getting there.” 

Barry was so surprised by the statement that he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “What?” 

“It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I can say that, and even then it wasn’t until today that I realized that I even could move past whatever I’ve been feeling towards you.”

“I guess beating the crap out of me actually did do some good. That’s good to know,” Barry quipped, unable to help himself. Cisco’s expression made him wish he hadn’t said anything. At best, Barry could describe it as astonished horror, like he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard and it appalled him. 

“Is that why you let me do it?” 

“Why I let you do what?” he asked, confused. Forgetting for a moment that he was hurt, Barry leaned forward only to stop with a silent cry of pain as fire burned through his side. 

“That!” Cisco answered, sounding annoyed. Or was it angry? “Why didn’t you stop me?” 

“I couldn’t,” Barry answered through the pain. 

“You couldn’t?!” Cisco exploded, jumping up from his chair. Barry flinched before he control his reaction then cringed as he waited for his friend’s response. When none came right away, Barry looked up to find Cisco staring down at him with horror. He sunk down to the floor where he stood, brown eyes never leaving Barry. “Even without your powers, you could have stopped me,” he whispered, sounding broken. “Why didn’t you even try?” 

“Honestly, man, you surprised me. You moved so fast that it took me a while to figure out what was going on. By the time I did, I was on the ground with fire searing through my side, and my cheek, and you were standing above me panting and looking down on me like you wanted to kill me. What was I supposed to do by then?” 

“You weren’t supposed to let me beat you half to death, that’s what you were supposed to do!” Cisco yelled and again Barry flinched. This time it wasn’t from fear; it was from pain. 

Ever since waking up from a nightmare that felt like it wouldn’t end, Barry had been bombarded with a headache. It could have been the awkward position he’d found his head in when he’d woken but it also could have been his body’s reaction to having the speed force taken from him. He honestly wasn’t sure which and at the moment, it didn’t matter. He’d thought about doing something about it but when he’d started to get up the pain emanating from his side had taken over entirely and he’d forgotten about the seemingly minor headache until now. Barry hissed as someone took a crowbar and began digging through his brain like it held the cure for cancer hidden in its depths. 

“Barry?” Cisco asked, voice sounding concerned. Barry felt a weight settle next to him then felt his friend’s hands on him. One settled on Barry’s back, just above the scapula, while the other rested on Barry’s forearm. Both squeezed as Cisco tightened his hold. “Barry, what’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing,” Barry soothed, ignoring the ache in his head. When another vicious throb reverberated, Barry made a small, involuntary sound in his throat and began to knead the back of his neck with his free hand. “Just a headache.” 

“It’s from the fight earlier, isn’t it?” Cisco guessed. 

“I dunno, man,” Barry admitted. “It could be from that or it could be from Leach taking my powers.” 

For some reason that seemed to kill any and all conversation that could have been had. After admitting that, Barry leaned into the couch, resting his head against it with his eyes closed, while Cisco did God only knew what in the silence. Barry kept waiting for him to speak so when he didn’t after a very long while, Barry opened his eyes to find his friend staring mournfully at him. 

“What?” Barry asked, curious and confused about why Cisco was looking at him like that. When Cisco didn’t answer right away, Barry painfully pivoted so that he was partially facing the other man. “Cisco?” he asked again, this time with concern.

“So much pain,” Cisco said, though that didn’t really clear anything up for Barry. Who was in so much pain? Cisco? Someone else? Grinding his teeth in preparation for the pain, Barry shifted so that his left side was fully flush against the back of the couch and entirely facing Cisco. Watching his friend with interested concern, he waited for Cisco to elaborate. “Your mother’s murder, your father’s, watching them both die, knowing the damage you’ve done to all of us - Barry, how haven’t you collapsed under the weight of it all?”

Oh, _that’s_ the pain he was talking about. Barry’s interest disintegrated on contact with the realization. He had no desire whatsoever to discuss this with Cisco or anyone. The pain from it was still far too raw for him and the whole point of today was to help Cisco, not Barry. “Cisco,” Barry began, fully prepared to turn the question down. 

“Please,” Cisco pleaded, interrupting him before he got any further. 

Barry nodded his consent then looked away. Tears filled his eyes as the memories of all that he had suffered and done came flooding in. “Honestly, Cisco, the truth is that I am weighed down by it every minute of every day.” A tear fell and he quickly wiped it away. “But if there was one thing I learned from Flashpoint, it was that that’s part of being a superhero - living with the mistakes you make, and the consequences that come from them. No matter how painful.” 

He drew in a shuddering breath then looked back up at his friend, begging him to hear, to know, and to accept what he was about to say. “Cisco, I know that I have said this so many times that it’s beginning to lose meaning, and I promise this is the last time that I will say it, but I am _so_ sorry about Dante. I’m sorry that I wasn’t stronger, that I didn’t handle my father’s death as well as you, and Joe, and Iris, and Caitlin needed me to.” 

As a tear fell down Cisco’s cheek, Barry looked away to hide his own that now fell freely from his eyes. He wasn’t sure if Cisco was crying for him or because of him but either way he didn’t want to see it and he didn’t want Cisco to see him crying either. 

“It’s like trying to breath through a cheese cloth, isn’t it?” Cisco asked, grabbing his attention. The scientist was staring at Barry with comprehension in his eyes. “Like, no matter how deep a breath you take, you never get enough air because the pain is strangling you so thoroughly.” 

“Yeah, it is,” Barry admitted, his voice rough and his eyes still tear-filled. “You guys make it easier, though. Your support helps me get through.” He paused to make sure that Cisco was paying attention then added, “We’d love to do that for you, if you would let us.” 

For some reason, Cisco seemed to stiffen at that. “Let you, you mean,” he whispered. 

Barry’s brows furrowed in confusion. He had thought that they were making some sort of progress but this sudden change in Cisco spoke to the exact opposite. “And Caitlin, and Iris. Joe.” 

“Caitlin has been there for me ever since it happened,” Cisco countered, definitely angry. “Iris and Joe have tried, but they’re more your family than they are mine.”

“That’s not-”

“It’s you, Barry, that..” Cisco cut himself off and Barry couldn’t decide if he was grateful for that or not. On the one hand, he wanted to know what Cisco would have said. But on the other, he had a feeling that it would have hurt him to hear it. Cisco shook his head, as though to dissuade himself from saying anything further. “This isn’t helping,” he concluded quietly. With a sigh, Cisco looked at him again. “I wish that I could forgive you, Barry. I do.” Tears filled his brown eyes with several falling before he added, “But I’m just not there yet.” 

Barry, tears in his own eyes and throat, choking him quite thoroughly, simply nodded, managing to say, “Yeah, okay. I get it.” 

“Do you?” Cisco countered, the anger back. “Because I don’t think you do. It’s like you forgiving Zoom for killing your dad, or the Revers Flash for killing your mom.” 

Barry was so stunned by the comparison that he didn’t know what to say. Is _that_ how Cisco thought of him? Really? God, no wonder Cisco hated him. Barry knew that he would _never_ forgive either man for what they had done to him. So then how could he expect Cisco to forgive him? 

“If you’re finished,” Joe’s voice broke in, surprising Barry. He jumped, hissing when it hurt. Joe’s eyes flicked over to him, evidently taking in things that he hadn’t noticed before since his eyes widened slightly in surprise. When he looked back at Cisco, there was a tension to it which spoke of Joe’s displeasure. “I think it’s time you left.” 

Cisco’s jaw clenched, as though he were holding back a comment that he knew shouldn’t be said. Then he swallowed and nodded. “I think you’re right.” Without another look at Barry, he walked to the door where he paused and looked over his shoulder. “For what it’s worth - I’m sorry that I hurt you.” 

“Which time?” Joe threw out and this time Barry could hear the anger in his father’s voice. He wished he could tell Joe not to be mad at Cisco, to defend Cisco’s every move when it came to what happened earlier, but he also knew that when it came to his kids being hurt, whether physically or emotionally, Joe was more protective than he should be and he wasn’t going to listen to a thing Barry said. Barry was sure that Joe didn’t know about the fight but he also knew that the detective was getting tired of Cisco constantly blaming Barry for his brother’s death. 

Every time Joe tried to argue against it, Barry easily defended with the logic that it was technically true. To that, Joe’s answer was always to remind Barry of the circumstances and to reiterate time and time again that Barry was not a God; that he was human and perfectly within his right to mess up. Barry always left it at that but silently he would argue that since Barry hadn’t screwed with anything too dire in Joe’s life, he didn’t understand and continued to forgive Cisco even though Joe couldn’t. 

Cisco didn’t answer but he didn’t have to. Barry could tell from his expression that the scientist didn’t actually know and that chances were good that he wasn’t as sorry as he was making out to be. Yet some part of him had to be, right? The expressions and emotions coming from him during their talk told Barry that he was but that he had trouble saying it right at this moment; possibly that he didn’t want to say it yet. 

“Bye Cisco,” Barry said when other words failed him. He hoped that the forgiveness he felt shone through his eyes. Given how many times he’d been told he was an open book, that was fairly likely. But as Cisco showed no reaction in response, he honestly wasn’t sure. 

When Cisco left, Barry let out a relieved breath. It felt as though the air in the house had thinned considerably and rather than struggling to breath, air freely filled his lungs. Barry melted into the couch, feeling boneless and exhausted as tears once more started to fall. 

“Bar, you okay?” Joe asked with so much concern that Barry felt it wash over him like a soothing wave sweeps over the beach. 

Barry didn’t respond. How could he? How would he tell Joe that no, he wasn’t okay but that since it was all his fault it didn’t matter? He knew Joe well enough to know that the detective would either tell it to him straight or try to make him feel better. And neither option was one Barry could handle right now. He felt so raw that anything would be too much and he wasn’t about to break down in front of Iris and Joe - not if he could help it. 

“Hey,” Joe said again to get his attention. When Barry looked at him again, his father was sitting in front of him on the couch with one hand on Barry’s left wrist and the other stretched out like he wanted to feel each injury to make sure it was real. “What happened?”

“I met Leach today.” 

“The new meta?” Joe confirmed and Barry nodded. 

“She..borrowed my powers.”

“Borrowed?”

Barry shrugged with his right shoulder, “That’s how she puts it. The point is for now, I’m just a normal guy.” 

“And this,” Joe waved at Barry in general but he knew what the detective was referring to, “came from that..meeting?” 

“No,” Barry answered, shifting so that he could stand up. With his right arm wrapped around his side, Barry slowly and painfully got off the couch. Joe rose with him, his hands resting on Barry’s arm and back as though to help or support him if he needed it. “No, this was Cisco.” 

“Cisco, _that_ Cisco? What the hell happened?” Joe asked, clearly confused and unsure whether he should be angry or stay out of it. He looked to Iris for either confirmation or an explanation but Iris said nothing, giving her father as even a look as Barry had ever seen her manage. He knew she wasn’t as calm as she appeared and he silently thanked her for not saying anything to her father just then. He knew she would when he was asleep, but he also knew he couldn’t stop her then.

Rather than answer her father’s question, Iris said, “I’m gonna go get dinner started.” Her gaze flicked to Barry. He had finally made his way to the dining room table and was now leaning against the back of the chair, leaving him free to watch both her and her father. “You should sit,” she added in a tone that suggested she doubted he would follow her advice. 

“Will somebody tell me what the hell is going on?” Joe asked impatiently. “Why would Cisco do this to you? _How_ could Cisco do this to you? Even without your abilities, I’m fairly certain you could have fought him off.” 

“It’s nothing, Joe, really,” Barry tried to assure. 

But Joe wasn’t having it. He pulled out a chair behind Barry, commanding, “Sit,” before sitting in the chair diagonal to that one. “This is not nothing, Barry,” he argued. “Now I can somewhat understand that Cisco is upset with you, but I can’t see him doing..this.” Again he waved at Barry in general but this time it was more focused on the bandage wrapped around Barry’s torso. He paused to see if Barry would answer and when he didn’t, he said, “Now I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay because it’s clear to me that you’re not. But you will answer me this, kid - what the hell happened?” 

“I don’t know, Joe, alright? I don’t know what happened. I went to the cemetery to support Cisco and he just..he snapped. I’ve never seen him that angry. And it seemed that nothing I said or did helped. It just made him angrier. And I knew that Cisco was mad at me, okay, it takes an idiot not to know that. But I didn’t know that there was that much rage inside him. One minute I was standing there, trying to be there for him and then next, he punches me. And, by the way, he has a _good_ right hook when he wants to. But then I’m on the ground and he’s yelling at me about how sick and tired he is of me apologizing to him and he’s kicking me until, finally, he stops.” Barry paused to catch his breath, which was coming in painful breaths, and then he looked back up at his father, whispering, “I knew he was upset with me but I didn’t know that he hated me. Not like that.” 

“Oh Barry,” Joe said on a sigh with equal parts pity and exasperation. “Only you would think that Cisco could hate you.” Barry scoffed his disbelief that it could be otherwise but Joe held up his hand for silence. “Don’t get me wrong, he certainly doesn’t like you right now but he doesn’t hate you, son. He’s simply hurting and angry at the world and you were the easiest target.” 

“Thanks, that makes me feel so much better,” Barry quipped. 

“Just shut up and listen to me, okay?” Joe retorted, making Barry smile ever so slightly. “I know that you want nothing more than for things to go back the way they were. But Bar, some wounds take longer to heal than others. Wally, Iris, and I forgave you easily because nothing had really changed for us that much. But for Cisco and Caitlin - Bar, you altered things in their lives so drastically that they don’t even know where to begin to get over it.” He held up his hands when Barry opened his mouth to argue. “I know that we got Caitlin back but if you think that it was only Killer Frost saying those things than you are burying your head in the sand. Being Killer Frost only made it easier for her to say what she was feeling but believe me, kid, she has been feeling it for some time. And you, Barry, you like for things to have easy fixes but this time that just isn’t possible.” 

“So what do I do?” Barry asked, though he was sure he already knew the answer. He had thought about this several times and each time he came to the same conclusion - he just didn’t want to accept it. 

“Respect their wishes and give them time. If they don’t want to interact with you outside of work, you give them that because they need it. And so do you.” 

“Me?” Barry countered, thoroughly confused. “I’m fine.”

“Do I look blind to you?” Joe asked. “Because it is plain as day that you are not fine. And I’m not just talking about your injuries, though we’ll get back to that later. Barry, I can see you blaming yourself every second that you’re around them and it’s not good for you. Cisco isn’t the only one with open wounds and you are never going to allow them to heal if you don’t forgive yourself.” 

“Easier said than done,” Barry answered, lowering his head and allowing a tear to fall into his lap. 

“I know,” Joe agreed. “But constantly holding onto your mistakes isn’t going to help them or you.” 

Barry nodded, unable to think of anything to say to that. It felt good, knowing that Joe did fully understand things and that he still forgave and defended Barry. But at the same time Barry felt guilty for accepting the boon because he felt sure that he didn’t deserve it. 

“Now,” Joe said, grabbing his attention. He nodded his head in Barry’s direction, “How badly are you hurt?”

“It’s just a couple broken ribs,” Barry dismissed. 

“I think you mean to say three broken ribs,” Iris corrected as she began to set the table. She smiled sweetly at him when he attempted to glare at her. “Dinner’s almost ready.” 

“But you’re okay?” Joe asked, eyes bouncing between Iris and Barry. “Three broken ribs isn’t something that you shrug off, Bar. Without your super healing, you’ve got to be careful.” 

“I know,” Barry assured, though it mostly went in one ear and out the other. “I will.” 

“What are you gonna tell Singh?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” 

“Barry, you can’t possibly think of going into work with three broken ribs and a face that looks like you got mugged in an alley.” 

“Joe,” Barry said on a sigh.

“No, listen to me Bar. You’re hurt and you don’t have your abilities. For anyone else, three broken ribs would mean a week off work with a return to light duty dependent on a doctor’s approval. You’re not any different. Take a day, wait for your speed to return, then come back when you’re healed.” 

Barry sighed again, knowing that he wasn’t going to win this fight. Seemed to be the theme of the day. “Fine,” he granted. “We’ll just tell Singh that..” He trailed off because he honestly wasn’t sure what to tell his boss. Lying had _never_ been one of Barry’s strong points and that was basically what they were going to be doing. 

“We’ll tell him that you’re sick,” Joe provided. “That should give you enough time to get better while making it possible to take more time if you need it. Until then, you are going to get yourself set up on that couch over there because you, my friend, will be living there for the foreseeable future.” 

“Am I supposed to eat there too?” Barry countered. Joe was perfectly okay with things like pizza being consumed in the living room but everything else was to be eaten at the table. 

Joe gave him the look he usually used when someone was being an idiot. “Barry, you look like you’re going to fall over and I can tell that you’re in pain. For tonight, I think we’ll make an exception to the rule and we’ll eat in the living room.” He stood up, looking down at Barry. “Now, can you make it there on your own or do you need help?”

“I got it,” Barry assured, slowly pushing himself upright. He hunched over a little and began to go back to the couch.

“In that case I’m going to grab you an ice pack. You better be there by the time I get back.” 

Barry chuckled, wincing when it hurt. A lot. Since Joe hadn’t waited for a response, Barry was freed from having to give one. He wasn’t sure how long he’d be without the speed force but he hoped it wasn’t going to be for too long - he had to be ready in case Cisco snapped again. He didn’t think it was likely to happen again but in this timeline, Barry had slowly learned not to be sure of anything. Things had changed so fast that even he was having trouble keeping track. 

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling as regret tore through him. “I should never have tried to fix things.” 

 

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my betas for taking time out of their days to help me make this sound/read so much better!

As night fully engulfed the West household, it found Joe sitting in Barry’s room. He stared blankly out the window as he listened to his kid sleep. The darkness calmed him. It was peaceful. It also gave him a reason to stay home and cool down. 

He hadn’t been happy when he’d heard Cisco compare Barry to Zoom or Reverse Flash. He had walked in long before then and had simply stood to the side, content to listen to them talk to one another about the side effects of grief. When Cisco turned colder towards Barry, Joe grew more cautious but he still stayed hidden in case things evened out again. Then Cisco played the one card that he should never have played against Barry. That was when protective anger began to build in his system. The silence that had echoed through the house had told him all he needed to know about how Barry had taken it. He stepped in then, telling Cisco to leave. 

In the bed, Barry whimpered, drawing Joe’s attention. It had been a long time since Joe had heard that sound coming from his kid and it concerned him that he was hearing it now. He didn’t know what Barry was reliving in his dreams but he could guess. The last time Barry had whimpered in his sleep like that had been when he’d come to live with Joe and Iris, after his mother had died. With Henry having been dead for less than a year, it made sense that Barry was still dreaming about his murder. 

Thinking of it made Joe wish he could have killed Zoom himself rather than leaving it to Barry to take care of. What that monster put Barry through was, well, monstrous. Of all the people that Joe could think of who deserved to go through something like that, Barry wasn’t on that list. With everything that kid has been through in his life, Joe would have done _anything_ to spare him having his father murdered. But he had been powerless to do anything then. Just like he was powerless to fix this now. 

“Cisco,” Barry whispered, his voice full of pleading. “Please just tell me what to do and I’ll do it. Plea..” Barry cut off, beginning to pant as though he were running really hard. When he began to thrash, Joe got up to keep him still.

Sitting on the bed itself, Joe used his left hand to pin Barry to the bed. “Easy Bar,” he whispered, using the same tone he’d used on Barry when he was a kid. “You’re okay.” 

Barry’s chest heaved as his emotions took over his breathing and tears leaked out his eyes. “How can I fix this?” he whispered, obviously still lost in his nightmare. His body jerked and the kid curled in to protect his injured side.

The moment Barry began to move, Joe pulled away so as not to wake him up. He stood and watched in angered horror as his son attempted to shield himself from more pain. Whatever calm he may have had evaporated at the sight. It reminded him of all the times that Barry had come home, beaten up. Only this time, rather than it being a split lip and a black eye, the kid had a side that was almost entirely black and blue. 

For Barry this wasn’t that unusual; he normally got hurt worse fighting metas. But this time, it hadn’t been done by an enemy, it had been by his friend and he didn’t have his super healing to help him get better. For the time being, the kid was going to have to slow down and let himself be taken care of - two things that Barry wasn’t particularly good at. Especially lately. 

“No!” Barry screamed as he sat bolt upright. 

Joe jumped back in surprise then quickly went to sit back down on the bed. “It’s okay,” he soothed as Barry looked around the room with wild eyes. Placing his hand on Barry’s chest, he felt the kid’s heart beating far too fast; could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest as he practically hyperventilated. “You’re okay.” 

It must have taken awhile for his surroundings to register because it was a couple minutes before he physically calmed. Then reality took over and his body crumbled inwards as his face scrunched into an expression of pure pain. “Ah!” he cried out and Joe moved in closer to help lower him back down onto the pillows. 

“You okay?” Joe asked once he was sure Barry was alert enough to focus. 

Pain still evident in his features, Barry nodded, “Yeah, I’m okay.” His brows furrowed in confusion. “What are you doing here?” 

“I live here, remember?” Joe countered, though he knew full well what Barry meant. 

Even in the dark, Joe could see the kid roll his eyes. “I thought I was supposed to be the smart one in the family.” They shared a smile and then as quickly as it had started, the moment was over and Barry was back to his default setting as of late. “Seriously, though,” he prompted. 

“I came in when I heard you moaning in your sleep,” Joe lied. 

Barry snorted, hand going to his injured side. “Liar. You were watching over me, weren’t you?” 

“Let’s say, watching you sleep. It sounds better.”

“Does it, though?” Barry countered, a smile in his voice. 

“Yeah, okay, it doesn’t,” Joe admitted, laughing. He paused for a moment then asked, “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just a lot to process lately.” 

Too much, in Joe’s opinion, but there was no telling Barry that. Like many good men, he took the weight of the world on his shoulders and never let anyone else share the load. Keeping his opinions to himself, Joe nodded and stood.

“Where you going?” Barry asked as a flicker of fear gleamed in his eyes. Curious. Was he afraid of being left alone? Or was he afraid of where Joe was going? 

“Don’t worry about me,” Joe placated. “You just go back to sleep. It’ll help.” 

Barry laughed, though what he found funny, Joe didn’t know. Face scrunched, he let out a low sound of pain, turning it into, “I really miss my super speed healing right about now.” 

Joe chuckled in understanding. “I bet you do. You need anything before I go?” 

“Other than my speed back and my best friend not to hate me, you mean?” 

“I was kinda looking for something that I could actually do, yeah.” 

“Nah, I’m good. Goodnight Joe.” 

Joe watched as Barry settled into the pillows for the first time since he’d woken up. He was glad that it was too dark for the kid to see too well because if he had, he would have seen the sadness in Joe’s eyes as he looked upon him. It was hard for him to see his son taking so much on himself and getting nothing but guilt and hate in return. 

“Goodnight Barry,” he said before he walked into the hall, closing the door behind him. 

He hadn’t planned on leaving the house tonight but what he just witnessed had him changing his mind. He needed to have a talk with Cisco Ramon and now was as good a time as any. 

 

**oOo**

It occurred to Joe after he’d gotten into his car that he didn’t actually know where Cisco lived. As it was almost one o’clock in the morning, he highly doubted the kid was at S.T.A.R Labs; he knew from listening to Barry and Caitlin that Cisco hadn’t been clocking as many late nights as he had been known to do in the past. A quick call to department was all it took to get what he needed. Then he was on his way to get some answers.   
 ****

The building where Cisco lived wasn’t what Joe would call nice but it wasn’t in a ghetto either. It looked like an office building that had been renovated to house people and Cisco lived closer to the top of it. The door was solid with a knocker on it but Joe didn’t even bother with it. He pounded on the door, using it to get some of his anger out before confronting the man within. He waited all of five seconds for Cisco to open the door before he pounded again, this time harder.

“Alright, I’m coming!” Cisco’s voice growled from within. Evidently Joe had waken him up. Joe tried feeling bad for that but then he thought about Barry whimpering in his sleep and any sympathy he could have mustered faded in an instant. When the door opened, it revealed a sleepy looking Cisco in pajama pants with a blue police box on them and a tee shirt that read: Live Long, and Prosper. 

“Your pjs don’t match,” Joe deadpanned, stepping past the scientist and into the apartment. 

“You woke me up before the butt-crack of dawn to insult what I sleep in?” Cisco countered, closing the door. 

“No, I came here to find out what the hell is going on with you.” Any friendly reception Joe might have had froze as soon as he said those words. Cisco went from being half-awake to cold. “Oh, you don’t want to talk about this?” Joe snapped, getting tired of the attitude the kid was giving everyone. “Well that’s just too damn bad because I have a kid in my house who’s drowning under the weight of the guilt that you seem to enjoy pouring on him and I’m sick and tired of watching it happen.”

“I don’t enjoy it,” Cisco quietly answered.

“No?” Joe countered. “Because you seem to do it an awful lot for someone who doesn’t like it.” 

“Look, if Barry keeps feeling guilty, that’s on him. Not me.” 

“Yeah, but you see, that’s not true. He may be feeling it, but you’re the one that stabbed him in the heart and keeps turning the knife every time you see him.”

“ _I_ stabbed _him_ in the heart?” Cisco argued back, anger in his eyes. “I think you have that wrong.” 

“I don’t think I do.” Joe crossed his arms over his chest so that he didn’t do anything he’d regret later. “Barry may have messed with your life but he didn’t do that knowingly. You on the other hand - you know how much you’re hurting him when you refuse to be in the same room with him, or refuse to acknowledge that he exists. And you rub salt in that wound every time you do it. You say you aren’t ready to forgive him? Fine. That’s fair. But you gotta stop punishing him.” 

Cisco blinked tears out of his eyes and looked away, refusing to meet Joe’s gaze. “I didn’t think of it that way,” he admitted, the words hard for him to say. When he looked back up at Joe, he found that he couldn’t read the expression in the scientist’s eyes. “But I’m not sure I can do anything else.” He let out a shuddering breath. “Every time I look at him, I just wanna..”

“Hit him?” Joe filled in. “Like you did earlier, you mean?” 

Pain washed over Cisco’s face then. “I never want to hurt Barry like that again,” he declared with enough conviction in his voice that Joe actually believed him.

“But the first time was okay?” he retorted, feeling angrier the more he thought about the injuries on his son. 

“No! I-”

“You’re damn right, no!” Joe interrupted, advancing on Cisco like a tiger pouncing on its prey. When Cisco backed away from him in fear, Joe refused to allow the flicker of guilt he felt to take root. If the kid can beat Barry mercilessly, he can handle Joe coming at him. “Because I’m only going to tell you this once, so you listening to me Cisco?” When the kid nodded, Joe stepped a little closer. “You ever lay a hand on Barry again and I’ll arrest you for assault. And it won’t matter whether or not Barry presses charges because I won’t be taking you to the precinct. I’ll stick you down in your own pipeline and leave you there to rot. You got me?” 

There was silence as Cisco stared at him with wide eyes. He swallowed hard then averted his gaze once more. When he looked back up, the pain was there but so was determination. “If I hit Barry like that again, assume that I’ve lost my mind and feel free to stick me wherever you wish.” 

Satisfied, Joe backed off, nodding to show that he understood. He still wished that he could lash out against Cisco like he had with Wells when he had betrayed Barry, but he held back. Barry wouldn’t be pleased when he learned that this chat happened but it would be so much worse if Joe hurt Cisco during it. In order to avoid the temptation, Joe said nothing more, choosing to walk out without another word said between the two of them rather than risk it. 

But when he got to the door, a thought occurred to him, making him stop and look back at the scientist. “Oh, and a word of advice. Beware of Iris. She’s angrier at you that I am.” 

When he was safe inside his car and on the road back home, he deflated a little. Joe wouldn’t say that he felt better but it was a start. He checked on Barry one more time before going to sleep, making sure that the kid was actually sleeping this time before climbing into his own bed. It could have been just because he was so tired but his mattress and pillows felt like he was lying on a cloud. Joe thought that he would never get to sleep, his mind was running so much. Two minutes in and he was out cold. 

**oOo**

The sun was setting the next day before Joe saw Cisco again. Thankfully Joe had spent it at the precinct where he did not have to deal with Barry Allen the patient. He had gotten done early, however, and although he’d only been home for two hours, he was ready to strangle his son. The kid simply wouldn’t do as he was told and rest. He insisted on doing things, things that included bending and stretching and causing himself more pain in the process. The speed force may not have been coursing through his cells but even without it, he wouldn’t sit still.   
 ****

Joe wasn’t even aware that there was someone at the door until he heard Iris call out, “I’ll get it,” from the kitchen. Popping Grandma Esther’s Noodles into the oven, Joe left the kitchen and went into the living room. He may not have a clue who was at the door, but he had no doubt that no matter who it was, Barry would be doing his best to act like he was fine. Since he had the time, Joe was there to make sure that didn’t happen.

“Hey, can I come in?” 

No sooner had Joe heard Cisco’s voice than he also heard the sound of Iris’ open hand hitting the man’s face. “I don’t think so,” she answered with a protectiveness in her voice that Joe recognized. 

“Iris!” Barry yelled, sounding both concerned and angry at the same time. He got off the couch before Joe could stop him but he was there when the kid almost fell over in pain. Joe managed to make him sit back down but he doubted that he would have had half as much success if it hadn’t been for the fact that Barry was hurting too much to argue. “Let him in,” he said once he was back on the couch. His voice was a growl, making him sound angrier. 

“No, Barry,” Iris argued back. “The last time I did that, he only managed to hurt you more and I’m done watching it happen.” 

“Iris,” Cisco began.

"You don't get to talk," Iris snapped, interrupting him. 

“Look, just stop,” Barry commanded and pleaded in one. He shifted as though to get up but this time Joe was faster and laid a hand on his right shoulder, pinning him to the couch. When Iris looked at him with fury on her face, he quietly added, “This isn’t helping anything.” 

Iris looked over at Cisco then back at Barry then shrugged. “It helps me.” 

“Iris,” Barry said, sounding as though he planned on pleading Cisco’s case. 

“Oh look, Wally’s here,” Cisco chirped. 

Wally walked in, looking between all four of them in confusion. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing,” Barry began only to be cut off by Iris. 

"The asshole at the door wants me to let him in again and I don’t feel particularly inclined to do it,” she said. 

Needless to say, Wally’s confusion lingered. He looked over Iris’ shoulder at Cisco. “What did you do?” he asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, Cisco,” Iris piped in. “What did you do?”

“Look, he didn’t do anything, alright?” Barry interjected. “Iris is just being overprotective.” 

“Uh-huh,” Wally answered, looking between the three of them like he didn’t believe a word of it. “You know, I haven’t known Iris as long as you have, Barry, but I’ve learned enough to know that she doesn’t get this protective unless she’s given a reason. So tell me this, Barry - why haven’t you moved from that couch?” 

“Caitlin said that you took me to S.T.A.R Labs,” Cisco said, sounding confused. “Didn’t you see Barry when you came?”

“Barry was there?” Wally asked, surprised. 

“I see that I have some explaining to do,” Cisco answered wryly. “Can I come in?” 

“Iris,” Joe said, finally stepping in when he saw his daughter’s anger flare again. As much as he enjoyed seeing her do what he couldn’t, there was a limit and Barry was right, it wasn’t solving anything. When his daughter looked at him, eyes fierce, he said, “Let him in.” 

Iris rolled her eyes but she stepped aside, allowing Cisco to enter. Cisco eyed her warily, skirting around her as he walked into the main foyer. “She isn’t going to, you know, slap me anymore is she?” 

“That depends on what you say,” Iris warned. _Good girl,_ Joe thought, smiling. 

“The truth,” Cisco answered.

He probably meant for it to reassure Iris but instead she quipped, “Which truth, Cisco? The one where you think that Barry intentionally created a timeline where your brother is dead and is therefore worthy of being compared to the creature that murdered his father? Or the one where it’s okay to beat your best friend black and blue?” 

“Wait, you what?” Wally asked, catching what Iris said but apparently unable to believe it. 

Rather than answer that, Cisco moved towards the living room. Joe didn’t even think, he moved in front of the scientist, bumping shoulders with Iris as he did so. Even though he knew that Cisco wouldn’t physically hurt Barry again - especially not while in this house - he hadn’t reacted with logic, he’d moved out of instinct and right now they were screaming at him to protect the injured Barry. 

Anger clouded Cisco’s face, but Joe saw shame in his eyes as well. “You guys act like my only goal is to hurt him,” he said. 

“Hasn’t it been?” Iris asked, arms crossed over her chest. 

“Not intentionally, no.” 

“And I suppose his ribs broke themselves?” _Man,_ Joe thought, _Iris is really pissed._ His baby girl could be persistent when she wanted to but it usually only came out when it concerned a member of her family. More specifically, when the topic negatively affected a member of her family. 

“Wait, what?” Wally repeated, this time looking around the three of them to focus on Barry who, miraculously, remained on the couch. “Is that why you haven’t moved?” 

“Barry’s been moving around too much today as it is,” Joe interrupted. He looked down at his son to make sure that the kid got the message. “He doesn’t need to leave that couch for anything else other than dinner.” 

Barry rolled his eyes and looked around them at Wally. “Have you ever broken a rib?” 

“Yeah. Hurts like hell.” 

“It’s not any better when there’s three of them,” Barry answered, making Wally wince. 

Wally looked from Barry to the back of Cisco’s head. Joe was proud to see a little anger shining in his brown eyes. “And you did that to him? On purpose? What’s wrong with you, man?” 

“I am so sick and tired of all of you acting like it’s a crime to be mad at Barry,” Cisco growled. 

“We aren’t saying that,” Joe said. “God knows there have been plenty of times when Iris and I, and Wally even, were pissed at Barry. What we’re having a problem with is the way you’ve handled it. Man are you so blinded by rage that you can’t see the pain you’re causing others?” 

“Alright!” Barry snapped before anyone could say anything else. With enough pain in his face to make Iris go over to him and help him to stand, he stood up and faced them all. “Guys, I appreciate the fact that you all love me,” He said, looking at the West family only and leaving Cisco out of the love equation entirely. It broke Joe’s heart a little to realize that there had been a time when Barry would have included the scientist in that group but that he now doubted if that was true. “But like I said earlier - this is not helping.” 

“No,” Cisco agreed, his gaze now focused solely on Barry. “But no matter how much the truth hurts, sometimes it just needs to be said.” Tears filled Barry’s eyes and Joe wondered what his son was thinking of that hurt him so much. He remained silent though, eyeing both men with a tenseness of someone ready to pounce if needed. Cisco’s eyes were also lined with tears. One fell before he said, “Sit down, Barry. Please.” 

Barry blinked, a solitary tear falling down, then slowly sat back down. From where he stood, Joe could see Barry’s jaw clenched as tightly as it could get so that he didn’t make a sound of pain. He looked to Iris then said, “Iris will you check on the Noodles; I think they’re almost done.” 

When Iris hardened her mouth, clearly unhappy that she was being dismissed, he looked at Barry, then at her and then at Barry again. She took a moment to observe the man that she loved and then she nodded, answering, “Sure.” 

Cisco waited until Iris left the room before he looked down at Barry and asked, “Can I sit?” 

Yet another tear rolled down Barry’s cheek. Joe was positive that the kid was thinking that Cisco didn’t have to ask but they both knew that the truth of the matter was that, right now he did. As far as the West family was concerned, Cisco wasn’t welcome in this home. Not until he made things right with Barry. “Yeah,” Barry granted, the ‘of course’ in his voice as well. 

Iris came back with an ice pack in her hand. When she noticed that Cisco was walking into the living room, she zeroed in on him like a hawk, intently watching him with the promise of pain if he got too close to Barry. “Here,” she said, handing the pack to Barry. “I thought you could use this.” While he applied it to his injured side, Iris sat next to him on the couch, continuing to watch Cisco warily. 

“How are you feeling?” Cisco asked after waiting for them all to sit down. 

Iris snorted, mumbling, “Like you care,” under her breath. Joe silently applauded her for voicing her opinion but he also wished that she wouldn’t have said anything. He could tell that both Cisco and Barry were getting worn down by her attitude, no matter how justifiable it was. 

“Iris,” Barry whispered, looking at her. “Please.” She rolled her eyes at his unasked request but she nodded her consent and went back to glaring at Cisco. When he was sure that he had her cooperation, he said, “I hurt but I’m okay.” 

Cisco nodded, showing he heard. Joe could tell that it was hard for him to speak, but what he didn’t know was why. The next words that came out of his mouth were that last ones that Joe ever pictured Cisco saying. “Can I see?” Evidently no one else had expected that either because for a moment they all sat staring at him like he’d lost his mind. Cisco waited a minute and then explained, “I want to see the damage that I’ve done.” 

“Uh, yeah. O-okay,” Barry answered, sounding stunned still. 

“Do you need some help?” Iris offered. 

He didn’t know why but Joe felt uncomfortable about this idea. Maybe it was the fact that Barry would be exposed to the man who had hurt him so badly. Or maybe it was the fact that it was a weird request to begin with. All that he did know was that he didn’t know if he wanted to be around to see this. And yet, he couldn’t make himself withdraw either. 

Holding his breath, Joe prepared to see something that he doubted he’d be able to unsee whenever he looked at Barry or Cisco any time soon. 

 

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

While Iris slowly helped Barry undress, Cisco’s heart continued to race. It had started long before he’d even arrived at the house and it hadn’t stopped since. He idly wondered if he’d have a heart attack if it didn’t stop soon but there was no controlling that because the bottom line was - he was nervous as hell to be here. 

 

Come to think of it, his reception from the West family hadn’t helped matters. Cisco had seen Joe be protective of Barry multiple times. It had actually been a little fun watching him punch and then manhandle Harry into the pipeline when the genius had admitted to betraying Barry. What hadn’t been fun was having Joe come to his home in the middle of the friggin night and threaten him. Okay, so it really hadn’t been so much a threat as a promise, and Cisco had willingly gone along with it since he would rather be put in a cell than hurt one of his friends again but even so - a man has a right to sleep through the night! 

 

What he hadn’t expected, in spite of Joe’s warning, was Iris’s reaction. Cisco had seen Iris be mad at plenty of people but she had only been physically angry with one person and Tony Woodward had deserved it. Not that Cisco hadn’t deserved it, per se, but he hadn’t thought she would ever have slapped him. She probably would have gone for a second time if Joe hadn’t figuratively stepped in. 

 

And then there was Wally. Wally who had been a part of the family for the shortest amount of time and who had had major issues with Barry at first, issues that seemed to continually pop up from time to time. His reactions were something of a mystery to Cisco. He couldn’t tell if the guy was feeling protective of Barry too, if he was surprised by all that had passed, or if he was just enjoying the show. It could very well have been all three for all the expressions he gave. Since all of the chairs had been taken, Wally had grabbed the spare ottoman and had chosen to sit in between where Iris was on the couch and where Cisco was in the armchair. Whenever Cisco glanced at him, he could tell that Wally was just as interested to see the damage that Cisco had done to Barry but where Cisco also felt dread, there was only something akin to curiosity for Wally. Of course, Wally hadn’t beaten his friend so that made sense. 

 

A hiss of pain from Barry drew Cisco’s notice. He looked over at him, heart racing even faster. They had gotten Barry’s baby-blue button down off and Iris was now working on undoing the bandage that covered most of Barry’s thin chest. While Iris scooted away, ace bandage in hand, Cisco left his seat to get closer, choosing to sit on the coffee table across from Barry. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed both Joe and Iris fidget, as though they wanted to stop him but were restraining themselves. He ignored them, knowing that they wouldn’t move because Barry wasn’t negatively reacting to him. 

 

It suddenly occurred to him how easily their trust was broken in him. Sure, he’d kicked his best friend repeatedly and had punched him twice, but it wasn’t like he’d had a habit of doing it; he wasn’t abusive. And yet once was all it had taken for them to mistrust him around Barry. It irked him but he didn’t comment. He wasn’t there to earn their forgiveness anyways. He was there for Barry’s. 

 

His hands shook as he slowly reached out to brush his fingers over the intense and painful-looking bruising on Barry’s side. Barry’s muscles twitched under his touch, the man himself letting out a slow, shuddering breath. Was Cisco hurting him? Cisco dropped his hands in case he was. He had hurt Barry enough. It was time to start the healing process for them both. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered sadly as tears filled his eyes. No matter how he tried, Cisco was unable to tear his eyes away from the purples, reds, and greens. They were mesmerizing as well as horrifying. And they were there because of him. He had caused them. Willingly. He didn’t even have the excuse of being whammied like Barry had that time he’d beaten on Oliver Queen or Eddie. No, Cisco had just been angry and uncaring. And evil. Sure, Barry may not be the innocent that everyone believes him to be but he certainly hadn’t deserved what he’d gotten from Cisco either. 

 

“It’s okay, Cisco,” Barry answered, his voice gentle. 

 

The easy forgiveness made the tears fall. Cisco blinked them away. He didn’t he deserve that and he knew it. “No, it’s not,” Cisco quietly countered. Looking into Barry’s tear-filled yet confused eyes almost undid him so Cisco returned to looking at the damage he’d done, talking to his friend’s chest rather than his face. 

“You made a mistake, going back in time and resetting the timeline,” he began. A tear fell down Barry’s chest as it leaked from his downturned face. Cisco watched it for a moment as it trailed down the bruising, hypnotized for no reason. “But so did I, when I found out the truth.” 

 

“Cisco, you had every right to be upset,” Barry forgave again. 

 

“I know I did,” Cisco agreed, looking back up at Barry. “But I was wrong also.” Confusion clouded Barry’s face, making the tears stop falling. “I don’t know if I can ever think of things differently,” he admitted. “But I _can_ try to understand it.” He looked over at Joe, who watched everything in silence. “And stop punishing you for it.” 

 

“Punishing me?” The confusion lingered but it was less genuine this time. Barry knew what Cisco was referring to but he was trying to act as though he hadn’t been hurting every day for the past however many months. Figures. Were all superheroes martyrs? Or just Barry?

 

“Come on, man,” Cisco quietly chided, annoyed. “We both know how much the distance in our friendship has hurt you. And it’s not like it’s been fun for me, either, but I was just so hurt and angry that I didn’t know how to deal. So I avoided you as much as possible, scared of what I would do if I saw you too much.” 

 

“I guess that question was answered,” Wally threw in. 

 

“And believe me, I wish that it hadn’t been,” Cisco answered, briefly looking at the younger West before refocusing on Barry. “I don’t want to spend any more time being mad at you. You’re my best friend. And I am _so_ sorry for hurting you like I did. It wasn’t right and, no matter how much you may think otherwise, you didn’t deserve it.”

 

“Thank you, man,” Barry responded with tears in his eyes but a smile on his face. “That means a lot to me.” 

 

“So…what, can we hug now? Cause I’m feelin’ a hug but, you know,  I don’t wanna hurt you.” Cisco eyed the bruised side dubiously. Theoretically they could stick to a one-sided hug but this situation felt more like a full-on bromance hug which would _definitely_ hurt Barry.  

 

Barry chuckled then winced, looking younger than he had in a long time, if in pain. “I think we should,”

 

“Wait. Yeah, that’s what I thought too,” Cisco completed. He stood up, giving his friend some distance and leaving him to replaced the bandage while he went back to the armchair. When he turned back around and sat down, he watched as Iris re-wound the bandage around Barry’s chest, doing his best to ignore the winces his friend was giving in the process. 

 

The image of those bruises was going to stay with him for a while. Then again, that was the point of him asking to see them. Seeing what he did to his friend, to the good person in front of him, was burned into his brain, where it was meant to remain. He sighed as he leaned back into the chair. Asking the one question that was on his mind now. “Where do we go from here?”

 

**oOo**

 

 _That was an excellent question,_ Barry thought as he sat opposite Cisco, waiting for Iris to finish. He hissed when cold suddenly slammed into his injured side, briefly hurting it before numbing it. “Sorry,” he heard Iris whisper but she didn’t take her it away. She grabbed his right hand and pulled it up so that he was holding the forgotten ice pack rather than her and then she moved over a bit to give him some room. He knew that she would normally have cuddled with him while on the couch but she was on the wrong side to do that this time so she kept her distance. 

 

“Honestly, man,” he answered as the cold began to take effect. “I don’t know.” 

 

As much as he wanted to say that things could go back to normal between them, the slight hesitation in Cisco’s manner as he talked hinted that he wasn’t fully there yet. And if Barry was being truthful, he wasn’t sure if he was either. It would take time for him to get over what he’d done to Cisco; to them all. Barry knew that he would also need to wait and see how Cisco acted towards him before he could believe in being forgiven. Cisco’s actions throughout the past few months have shown Barry more of how he was feeling than the scientist would have told him outright. The same would be true in order for Barry to gauge how okay they were. 

 

“Why don’t we start with dinner?” Joe interjected. “I may not have superpowers but I’m pretty sure I can hear all of your stomachs growling.” He paused to wait for all of their agreement then said, “Iris, you and Wally set the table while I get the food. Cisco, you and Barry get to the table.” 

 

“Cause the table’s _so_ far,” Wally joked as he walked around all of them to grab the dishes. 

 

“It certainly feels like it sometimes,” Barry mumbled as he scooted forward on the couch, ice pack glued to his side. Since the numbness made it easier to move, the process was a fairly quick one.

 

“Do you need any help?” Cisco asked from just to his right. 

 

He didn’t but he figured it couldn’t hurt to get it anyways. “Yeah, thanks.” He held out his hand, waiting for Cisco to grab it before he slowly started to stand. Cisco waited until Barry was stable before he let go, though Barry noted with an inward smile that he continued to stand close by in case he was needed. “I’m good,” Barry assured his friend as he made his way to the table. 

 

“Are you sure?” Cisco argued. “Cause you look like you’re about to fall over.” 

 

“Nah, the ice helped.” To prove his point, Barry stood straighter, strangling the wince that wanted to scrunch his face. Numb or not, it still hurt. But he wasn’t about to give Cisco any more reason to worry about him. 

 

A small part of Barry hated that the only reason Cisco forgave him - or at least is trying to - is because of what he’d done to Barry. He wanted his friend, a guy who was like his brother, to want to forgive him without outside influence. He wanted Cisco to _want_ to forgive him, not just feel guilty enough to do it. 

 

When Cisco moved towards him, Barry instinctively took a half step back. Sadness briefly flashed in Cisco’s eyes but then a hardness covered it, practically freezing Barry with the look. “Sorry,” he apologized. He felt like there was a distance between them still, and for some reason he felt that it should be maintained. He felt badly for doing it. But it would take time for that feeling to fade. 

 

“It’s okay,” Cisco forgave, stepping back so that he and Barry were a few feet apart. “I get it.” He sat down, looking as uncomfortable as Barry felt. “I guess this is just gonna take time for the both of us.” 

 

“Can I ask you something?” Barry ventured while they still had a bit of time to themselves. “Did you only forgive me because of this?” He waved to his side to show Cisco what he meant. 

 

Cisco didn’t answer right away. For what felt like hours to Barry, he simply sat there, staring at Barry’s side with a distant expression in his eyes. “I don’t know,” he answered just as Barry began to give up on him doing so. “I don’t know if I would have, no.” Barry looked down, hurt and disappointed that he was right. “But I should have. I wasn’t acting right but it took that to help me see it.”

 

“Your brother was dead and you’d just found out that your best friend had something to do with it,” Barry argued. “I don’t think there’s a right way to react to that.” 

 

“There’s definitely a wrong way,” Cisco answered back. “And I’m pretty sure that hitting your friend repeatedly, in a graveyard, is it.” Barry smiled but didn’t answer. Cisco sighed, leaning forward then stopping only when the table forced him to. “Look, can we not focus on the whys and just accept that we’ve forgiven one another and leave it at that?” 

 

Barry chuckled, appreciating the idea of wanting to just let things go. If only it was that easy. Since he was sure that Cisco was thinking the same thing for entirely different reasons, Barry didn’t voice that thought. He simply nodded. “Yeah. I think I can do that.” 

 

 

**oOo**

 

 

**Epilogue**

 

When Barry next met up with Leach, he was prepared. Meaning that he was prepared for her to slowly drain the speed force from him. Just like the last time, it made him weak and exhausted and he staggered a little in response. She smiled coyly, her eyes briefly reddening as the speed force was absorbed into her. But this time when she turned to take off - Kid Flash was waiting for her. And since Wally was faster than Barry, he caught her easily, slapping the cuffs on her. They placed her in the pipeline with a few of the others where she couldn’t take anyone else’s abilities - or life force - again. 

 

Things with Cisco were slowly getting better. They weren’t perfect yet, and there were certainly moments where some resentment showed. But they were getting there. All it would take was time. And time was something that Barry Allen had plenty of. 

 

 

**_Fin_ **


End file.
